Life is uncertain. From the moment we come out of our wombs we are thrown into the world with very little aid. You blink, and seconds later you need to start breathing on your own. We first get spoiled and get an easy pass for 9 months to later be independent 18 years later or earlier if we choose to.
I have always been an explorer; always eager to learn more and know about everything that surrounded me. Maybe this is what made me try and reach my own potential outside of home but still with all the support as a back up from my whole family. (Fortunate, in my opinion). I was 16 years old and I was already living on my own in Madrid, Spain were my first ballet training began.
Starting late is always difficult in the ballet world. You must fight harder than everyone around you because you are mostly in disadvantage. The only thing you know for sure that separates you from the rest is how much you want to be there and how much you want to do it. (You have to if you are willing to put yourself through such sacrifice). People will always judge you and undermine you in everything you do to the point that you will end up undermining yourself.
I've dealt with this self confidence issues my whole life. (Funny, I know. You all must think that I do seem like a confident person. Lets just say I am a good actor).
Even with all my issues, I still think I've made it pretty far in my career, and it hasn't been until recently that I have put everything into perspective in order for it to give me strength in this what I call, some of the hardest times of my existence. (Yes, harder than being thrown out into the world out of the womb). This uncertainty is really blurring my perspective to the point that for once in my lifetime I am not sure what is the right decision to make.
I used to only have to think about myself which made the process at least half easy. But the equation has changed and I do not only think of myself and my happiness. I am fortunate to have an amazing person by my side. A smart caring person that has been and I think will be by my side through this arduous road. (You have got to be thankful for the things that matter).
I hope my words are not discouraging anyone, I just needed to get some of this out of my system in a way I used to enjoy doing and I stopped for I don't know what reason exactly.
I just want to make sure (if there is a way of making myself sure of any of this) that I am making the right decision for everyone (and yes, that includes myself).